change

How I would describe myself: I’m fiercely independent. I thrive on change. Routine bores me. I can live anywhere, without a place to call home and feel content. I don’t need stability. I love being busy. I don’t like quiet. Familiar is boring.

Before I left for this deployment, I planned on being separated from the Air Force by August of this year. I had my paperwork in to separate, I was enrolled in school and had everything sorted out from my income to how I would proceed with my masters following my bachelor’s degree. Life was moving in the direction I had been hoping for a year before.

I was set, until a deployment came down that I decided to take for a variety of reasons. Changing plans? No problem. I love change. I took this 6-month deployment excited for a new adventure.

I arrived at this deployment and quickly made friends with people here. My new job was busy, but I loved it (unlike my job back in the states). My new commander was amazing and was someone I was excited to work for. My new co-workers were very supportive and people I got along with. What a great experience I had agreed to!

About a month after I got here, my commander left and a new one came in. I wasn’t sure how I felt about her, but like always, I welcomed the change. After getting to know her, I realized we worked well together and I was excited for the next 4 months here, I even talked to her about extending my deployment because I loved the job and experience so much.

One by one, my co-workers have left and new people came in. Walking around base, everything is different because everyone is new. Awesome, change!

I had my own room when I got here, which was great, but not normal. I knew once more people arrived that I would get a roommate. I got a new roommate Monday of this week. She’s nice and a welcomed change.

My boyfriend and I broke up Monday. Another change.

Tuesday I found out that my orders had only been cut for 70 days, instead of the 180 days that I originally thought and my replacement was on her way. My flight out of here would be leaving in a week. Another change? Alright, fine.

Thursday I got another roommate (the girl replacing me). Now I have 2 other people living in the room that was once somewhere I could hang out alone, talk to my friends and family, recharge and rest after my crazy days at work. Wait, I hate quiet, why am I now missing it?

This morning at 5am I got another roommate. There are now 4 girls living in a room the size of my bedroom at home. The one place I would once go to escape from the craziness is now equally as chaotic. Another change.

I’m going home in a week to a life that looks drastically different than when I left and I find myself longing for some stable ground. I’m one change away from losing my mind. What? Me not want anymore change? I never thought I would see this day.

I’m slowly realizing that we all need something stable, something that can be our rock and foundation regardless of how independent we are or how much we love change. I’ve unintentionally and unknowingly found this in people, in my passions, and in places. Familiarity from these things is great, but having them as a foundation isn’t really a foundation at all since everything in this life is temporary.

I write all of this not to complain in the least bit. I write it because I have been praying relentlessly for God to break me enough to let him in, to make Him the stability and foundation of my life again. I have held so tight to what I believe about myself, I felt like nothing would break through my stubbornness, not even God. Even though I don’t feel awesome at the moment, I am so thankful for this season of my life and I pray that it doesn’t pass too quickly.

 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.” Matthew 7: 24-25

What is your foundation?

3 Comments

  1. I hope in this short period that you have made friends that can help provide the foundation that you unknowingly was looking for while you continue to live your life to the fullest

  2. Thanks for sharing 🙂 I totally can relate to your post. For me it’s always difficult finding the right balance of change and stability. One time I feel stuck, other times there’s too much going on at once. I guess that’s just life and I feel stability can be found and created from the inside by ourselves. Finding trust in myself and having faith in life (religous people might call this God instead) is something wonderful and makes me feel being the rock in an ever changing world. Reaching this state of mind is something I’m constantly striving for. Some days this works out pretty well and I’m feeling invincible, while on other days it seems I just can’t take it.

    1. @lovey365, thanks for your response. I’m glad this resonated with you! I guess the balance will never be perfect, but getting better at balance is something I’m definitely striving for.

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